Parenting teens can come with its challenges. Not only are their bodies riding a rising tide of hormones, but they’re also navigating the frontiers of adulthood and figuring out where they fit in (or don’t) with their peers.
One mom who says her three teens eat her out of house and home came up with a novel solution: she told her kids they have to buy their own junk food from now on. Now her daughter is kicking up a fuss, so the mom went online to ask if she’s being a jerk.
More info: Reddit
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She told her three teens that they’d have to buy their own junk food from now on
Her two boys are fine with the arrangement, but her daughter has kicked up a mighty fuss
Her daughter says it’s her parents’ job to feed her and has called her out for coming up with the new snack plan
Other parents she’s spoken to think it’s a great idea, but the mom still went online to ask if having her kids buy their own junk food makes her a jerk
Having three teenagers is like living with a pack of snack-obsessed wolves, according to one tired parent. Every time there’s a rustle of chocolate or the crinkle of a chip bag, her kids descend like a “plague of locusts.” Treats vanish instantly, and buying enough snacks for everyone each week has become an expensive nightmare.
So, OP came up with a bold solution: if the teens want junk food, they have to buy it themselves. All three kids have casual jobs and earn around $150 a week. The rule is simple: there’s plenty of healthy food at home, but the fun, sugary stuff? That’s on their own dime.
The boys are totally fine with this. They even learned how pricey their snack cravings really are. They stash their goodies in labeled tubs in their rooms to avoid mouse-related catastrophes, and everyone’s been adjusting well. Everyone, that is, except her 16-year-old daughter, who’s not happy about the new situation at all.
She’s been vocal, claiming it’s “neglect” and that her parents just want her to starve. Her friends and grandma agree, fueling the drama, but OP stands firm: breakfast, lunch, and dinner are still provided. Still, she’s turned to an online community to ask if she’s a jerk.
From what OP tells us in her post, her daughter is acting like an entitled brat. It’s not like she doesn’t earn her own cash, so why should OP have to foot the bill for her snack cravings? What’s the best way for OP to handle her horrified daughter? We went looking for answers.
In his YouTube video, Dr. Todd Corelli says that entitlement comes from not requiring kids to suffer from natural consequences. It comes when we fix and rescue them from their discomfort. “When we rescue our kids from consequences and difficulties, they never get to learn,” says Corelli.
In her article for Daniel Wong, Veronica Wallace suggests a few ways to deal with an entitled teenager, including expecting more from your teens, establishing boundaries, giving your teens privileges that are tied to demonstrated responsibility, reducing the abundance in your home, and explaining the difference between wants and needs.
Perhaps OP’s daughter could cultivate an attitude of gratitude too? In her article for Grateful Living, Amy L. Eva writes that, although gratitude has long been considered a powerful ingredient of health and well-being, for a long time no systematic attempt had ever been made to deeply explore its development in youth.
Initial research, however, indicated that, when compared with their less grateful (and more materialistic) peers, grateful teens are happier with their lives, friends, family, and neighborhood. They also report more hope, greater engagement with their hobbies, higher GPAs, and less envy and depression.
Perhaps OP should sit down with her dramatic daughter and build a budget together – then at least the teen will gain an understanding of the value of money and the responsibility that comes with autonomy.
Wereached out to Dr. Tirrell De Gannes of the Thriving Center of Psychology to ask him how OP might cultivate an attitude of gratitude in her troublesome teen.
He had this to say, “In my honest opinion, the mom is already doing what she needs to do to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. The life lesson of managing your own finances and not being completely reliant on others is important,”
According to Dr. De Gannes, OP is also providing healthy options as an alternative. Entitlement is common in teenagers and can be seen as a typical developmental milestone. Her lack of gratitude now is not more important than teaching self-sufficiency and balance.
“OP can also try having her daughter trade work directly for access to the snack foods she requires. For example, OP can request one hour of cleaning dishes for a bowl of sugary cereal or take out the garbage for a bag of chips. Not every lesson will be learned easily but there should still be an emphasis on gaining through earning.” concluded Dr. De Gannes.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think her daughter has a point, or is it time she grew up and stopped whining? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the mom wasn’t being a jerk and that the daughter was being delusional with her demands
